Myths: She didn’t fight back, so it can’t have been that bad.

Most of us have an idea of how we’d react if we were attacked, or if someone did something inappropriate.

‘If he tried that with me I’d kick him in the nuts’

‘Why didn’t you just punch him? That’s what I’d have done’

Most of us have heard of the ‘fight or flight’ response. This is the idea that when we are in danger we will either put up a fight, or run away. This in only part of the picture though. The truth is that most people will either ‘flop’ or ‘freeze’ when they are in danger.

These responses are controlled by our subconscious brain, so it’s almost impossible to overcome. In the moment, your brain will take over and will make decisions to try and keep you safe.

When someone freezes or flops, they probably won’t be able to move, or even speak. They won’t be able to run away or fight. They might even dissociate. This is a term for when someone ‘goes away’ – as if they are not really present in their mind. So they might not remember what happened, or might have a mixed up or partial memory.

The way we react when we are in danger or in traumatic situations isn’t rational. While the ‘fight/flight/freeze/flop’ response can help keep us safe in the moment, it can lead to mental health problems later on. These responses are normal, but that doesn’t mean they are always helpful!

All of this can be very traumatic. Survivors will often blame themselves for not fighting back, and hearing people talk about what they think they would do in similar situations can make that feeling worse.

The truth is that none of us know how we will respond to a traumatic situation until it happens, and we should never blame a survivor for how they reacted.